Dishevelled Thoughts

Sunday, 05 July 2009

  • Hey Monday- How You Love Me Now

    You were talking to her
    But messing with me
    It’s finally clear
    You’re blurring the lines
    Are you disturbed?
    Oh, now you care
    Why do you race through my red lights?

    Can’t understand
    I’ll slow it down for you

    Tell me how can you sleep?
    How can you breathe?
    Baby tell me how
    How you love me now
    Tell me how can you sleep?
    How can you breathe?
    I hate when you say
    How you love me now

    Save
    Save it for her
    I’m not gonna hear
    Your reasons and “please-just-take-me-backs”
    We never were right
    Don’t waste your breath
    You crashed and you’re on your own tonight

    Can’t understand
    I’ll slow it down for you

    Tell me how can you sleep?
    How can you breathe?
    Baby tell me how
    How you love me now
    Tell me how can you sleep?
    How can you breathe?
    I hate when you say
    How you love me now

    Lights out
    I found out
    My falling star
    Goodbye
    The sun rises here
    There’s no more you and I

    How can you sleep?
    How can you breathe?
    Baby tell me how
    How you love me now
    Tell me how can you sleep?
    How can you breathe?
    I hate when you say
    How you love me now
    How you love me now
    How you love me now

  • Late Development

    Apparently I've developed a pair of very faint cheek dimples... at almost eighteen years of life. Talk about late development. Who would've known? Haha.

Friday, 03 July 2009

  • Why doubt creeps in

    Sometimes I tell myself, "I can't. I just can't. I can't. I can't fucking do this shit! FACK!" Then I reread my previous entry and trudge along. But I realized that I trudge because I am unsure about absolutely everything.

    What I can't emphasize enough is determining what it is exactly that will make you happiest. Without knowing what makes you happiest and why it makes you happiest, the goal remains questionable. This will allow you to question the validity of your hard work when times are tough. It leaves room for doubt, discouragement and failure as you ask yourself, "WHY DOES THIS SUCK SO MUCH?!". If you were to know exactly what would make you happiest and why it would make you happiest, you would be much more excited or determined to get through the tough parts of life to get what you want.

    If only it were easy. If only we could just *snap* our fingers and decide what will make us happiest. Personal preference and a lack of perspective can add too many nuances to these processes.

    [I would also like to note that this has nothing to do with my weight loss/get strong goals. I have long identified a few goals for myself and I truly do become excited to get my butt to the gym and work towards them! I've revved up my routine and I'm going strong again :). WOOT!]

Tuesday, 30 June 2009

Monday, 29 June 2009

  • LOL moment

    I laugh because I found a pair of old capris that I used to wear in the 7th or 8th grade (read: six to five years ago). I tried them on. I am a wee bit more shapely and about 8-5 pounds heavier than I used to be at that point... but they fit.

    That's nucking futs!

    [EDIT]

    Anyways- I slipped up this month. During the entire month of June I fell off of the wagon and managed to gain a couple of pounds. It's okay though, because I happened to find my self-control laying around somewhere and lost the weight that I gained. Now my weight is at a constant and I'm trying to push past my plateau. Can do, can do, can do!

Sunday, 28 June 2009

  • What it is worth

    When shit's not working out the way you expected it to, you realize how many other options you've got. You see that you don't have to go through this kind of strife because there are so many easier alternatives. But then, against all logic, you take the hardest of paths and hope that everything will work out, because you know that's what will make you happiest. Even if it means that you've got to care for yourself a little less, depend on your friends a little more and blindly make your way towards an unknown future. You do that shit because you know it's worth it.

Tuesday, 23 June 2009

  • A Fallen Beginning

    My chips have long fallen in place,
    With just a glance into the windows to your soul.
    Then a momentary loss of grace and soundness of mind,
    As I fell alongside my chips,
    And gave you our first kiss.

Friday, 19 June 2009

  • Red Building

    Randomly scribbled yesterday. Inspired by pondering the uniformity of rain and then looking past the rain while thumbing through pages in a book. Don't make fun of me... lol. Time to share:

    I was sitting back, staring at an almost-bare, intriguingly red building through the library window. The color of this brick building seemed so lively and yet unmistakably dark at the same time. Intriguing indeed. To me, all of the other edifices next to this particular one paled in comparison. They just did not seem to have the same pull on me. It was clear, however, that the architectures of these surrounding buildings had a vision of elegance and quality. These ornate boxes were meant to be fawned over. They were trophies for those who had proudly designed them. Perhaps it would take another eye to see that this structurally plain crimson building effortlessly stands out amongst them all.

  • Privy

    (To those whom I've tagged [and Boyfriend],)

    You say that I am amazing
    For changing your life.
    You silently ask that I continue
    To do the right thing
    And to never change.
    Maybe you forgot...
    When I made you smile,
    That I am human too.
    My efforts can only go so far.
    When they do run short,
    Please remember...
    No one can stop you.
    Have the courage to do what will make you happy.

Wednesday, 17 June 2009

  • Mango

    Last night.

    Half an hour until midnight. Thump. Thump. Thump. There is a pounding pressure in my head. It feels like it is about to crack into pieces. I occasionally grab hold of my stomach as I am walking home from the train station. I am coming in late because I spent the last handful of hours going out to Westie to take care of business. I have not had the chance to eat anything since almost twenty-four hours ago. It feels as if hunger has set in every part of my body except for my head. My head is filled with a different pain.

    My headache becomes insignificant as I call Polar Bear on my cell phone. I am talking for my safety. If something were to happen to me while walking through the 'hood at midnight, then at least someone would know.

    I am laughing during our conversation when I notice foot steps in the background. I see a shadow and it does not belong to me. He is awfully close. I am baffled for words but I manage to sputter out, "Mango" into the phone. He understood. It has been months, maybe even half a year, since we've created that term. I cannot believe that I even remembered it since it was originally meant for him. "How many mangos?" "Just one. Just keep talking to me, okay?" And he does.

    I came upon an intersection. I am crossing rather fast. When I peer behind me, I see that the Mango man is going into a different direction. Phew. Now I just have to keep on walking...

Babii_Dragon

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    • Name: Dina
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    • Member Since: 1/23/2004

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  • I'm everything that you don't like.